By the time you are 25 years old, you’ll probably hear this question every time you attend somebody’s wedding or join a family gathering. Distant relatives, married friends, immediate family - all of a sudden team up when the topic of marriage is raised. Questions of this nature and comments like “You are next” can be extremely annoying and stressful. Here’s our golden advice to those hearing this and bearing the brunt of others’ curiosity - you don’t have to succumb to pressure just because they are asking. If you are not ready for marriage, don’t stress about it. You have all the right and liberty to decide whom you want to marry … and when. Ignore what your culture or the society around you is projecting. There is no perfect age to get married. Your happiness within a marriage does not depend upon your age. Rather it depends upon your maturity, level of acceptance and readiness. When you decide to share your life with someone out of societal, family or cultural pressure, you are not just wronging yourself but you are wronging your partner as well. Imagine being married when your heart lies somewhere else - in your studies, career, or whatever your most intense passion is. Trust us when we say that you can achieve the same level of happiness in a marriage when you are 40 years old as you can at 25. Do not let your family or anybody else put a timer on it for you. Being unmarried is a very precious time of your life. It is a time when you don’t have the additional responsibilities of marriage burdening your shoulders. Make the most of it. To the society which pressurizes you with pressing questions… The Prophet (peace be upon him) advised us to stay away from matters which do not concern us. That includes poking our nose into when people are going to get married. You never know the personal situation of anyone and your questions could disturb somebody’s peace of mind. The girl you are questioning about why she isn’t married yet could be dealing with depression. The guy you keep telling “he is next”, may be struggling to find a decent paying job to be able to support a family. When you raise questions like this, without being sensitive to the fact that everyone has their own issues, it can create a pressure and stress in their mind. Respect people’s privacy as much as you want others to respect yours.

With the coming of your twenties … the societal marriage timer starts ticking. Come 25 … and the timer starts getting on your nerves. One prospect after another leads to nothing which can lead to anxiety and frustration. And it’s perfectly normal to experience this. After all, it is the most sacrosanct relationship of your life. You wouldn’t want to rush into it, marrying the wrong person or getting married at the wrong time. Whilst a happy marriage can bring peace and contentment to your life, marrying someone who isn’t right for you can really damage your emotional state. However, before you start meeting others and considering them for marriage, there is one major question you need to ask yourself. A critical question. Are you ready for marriage? If you are really ready, then there’s no issue. But if you are just succumbing to societal pressure, it could lead to big problems. Being ready for marriage entails two broad concepts - How well you are acquainted with your own self and how well you have established your link with your Creator. You don’t have to share these answers with anyone. You just need to have this conversation with yourself to understand where you are at. So let’s begin … How well are you acquainted with yourself? What are the things in life that really matter to you? What core ideals do you live by? Have you achieved whatever you wanted to achieve before marriage? If you were to get married would you have regrets about missed opportunities? How willing are you to share your daily life with someone else? The exciting days as well as the mundane? How willing are you to sacrifice time from the things you currently love doing to spend time with your partner? What are your shortcomings? Are you content with who you are? Have you been able to bridge the gap between who you are and what you want to be? It goes without saying that if you are comfortable and confident about yourself, and about who you are, there are all the more chances of you building a successful marriage. Also, you really need to know who you are first before being able to find the perfect match for yourself. If you do not accept yourself – good, bad and everything in between – you might not be able to fully, and honestly, open yourself up to your partner so that they can see you for who you really are. That’s not the way to progress in such an important relationship in your life. Moreover, you need to be whole before you share your life with somebody else. You need to be content and happy with yourself in order to share that happiness with the other. If you are not there yet, relax. Allow yourself some time. No matter what society says, there is no perfect age to get married. There are people who marry as teenagers and live happy lives and there are people who marry in their forties and achieve the same level of happiness. Age is only a bar which society sets. Ignore it. How is your relationship with Allah? The only relationship that is never going to let you down is the one with your Creator. Before you share your life with somebody else, it is essential that you place your heart in the hands of Allah. Once your relationship with Him falls into place, everything else will. And plus, you will have His help in one of the most important decisions of your life - marriage. So, how close are you to Allah? There are no questions that can really assess or measure this. It is a personal matter of the heart. So, ask yourself. And look inside your heart. How close are you to Allah? Give yourself a true and honest answer. Are you really ready for marriage?

He or she must be the most amazing person you’ve ever met in your life. They could be everything you made D’ua for, down to the very last word. It might look like a fairytale where everything is seemingly perfect. And then, reality happens. The reality that no matter how good your partner is, they are not perfect. That more than once or twice, they are going to mess up. And in some cases, they are going to mess up BIG TIME. Or your relationship is going to face a period of stagnation after the honeymoon phase is over. It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong happening. It’s a completely normal passing phase. Hence, we come to the most important marriage advice - your happiness should NOT depend upon your partner because if it does, you are going to suffer big time. Now, that doesn’t mean you must not get emotionally attached to them or stop letting them into your heart. It just means that your cup of self love must be full before you share it with somebody else. You can’t share from a half filled or empty cup. The healthiest of relationships happen between two people who are comfortable in their own skin and happy in their own lives before they decide to share that happiness with somebody else. Here’s why it’s important to love yourself before you commit into a marriage: 1. Self love is attractive When you love yourself, flaws and perfections coupled together, you become a more beautiful, confident and happier version of yourself. You begin to radiate a different kind of contagious happiness which makes you all the more attractive - to your partner, friends, family and everybody you meet. Self love actually makes you more loveable. 2. You keep regret at bay Many many people miss their single life soon after they are married. Why? Because they feel like they have left many of their single-life dreams unaccomplished. Now here’s the thing, if you are satisfied in your single life, do whatever you want to do as a singleton and then proceed towards marriage. You stand a much better chance of being content in your married life. It’s so not good to proceed into a marriage thinking what you COULD HAVE done earlier when you were single. 3. You become independent Once you love yourself i.e you choose to become your own best friend, nothing really holds the power to spoil your day or life. You can easily wait for your ideal partner without feeling pangs of loneliness because you are there for yourself and you love it. 4. You accept yourself and others Nobody in this world is perfect and once you start loving yourself along with your flaws, it will become easier for you to see, accept and love other flawed beings. You will begin seeing yourself and others in a more positive light. Once you come to terms with your own self, you become more accepting towards others as well. 5. You regain confidence When you are not satisfied with your looks or the way you talk, you tend to lose your confidence and happiness. What would your marriage be like when you are feeling inadequate? Loving yourself would help you to get the best out of yourself and your relationship. So, there you have it. The first step in your journey to finding your ideal life partner actually begins with you. So, look inwards … and learn to love the wonderful person you are.

Even the idea of considering a marriage prospect can bring heaps of anxiety. After all, you are about to consider a random person to be your partner not only in this world but also the next. But how is it possible to determine if he/she is the right person for you? You might speak a handful of times on the phone or you may meet on a few occasions. During that time, you are supposed to be yourself, overcome the awkwardness of the moment and talk about all the important things in life. And then everybody will expect you to magically come up with an answer - YES OR NO. How will you answer that when all you are experiencing is a raw bundle of nerves? Well, you’re not alone. There are so many men and women across the globe who experience the same anxious dilemma and keep phrasing and re-phrasing that first conversation in their heads. So how do we go about it? Does it suffice to contemplate over it and let the anxiety take over? It doesn’t. So let’s clear our heads, look within ourselves and discover what matters the most to us. Once we begin to initiate dialog with ourselves, it will be much easier to build a dialog with somebody else, even a potential marriage prospect. Of course, this conversation has to be much more meaningful than their favorite sport, movie or actor. In order to make a decision for the rest of your life (and mind you, this is a very crucial one), you’ll want them to open up and speak their mind in front of you. You’ll want to know their thought process and that’ll require you to ask open ended questions - questions which cause them to speak their mind. Here’s a list of meaningful questions which you can ask, the answers to which may give you the clarity you need to make such an important life decision. 1. What is your purpose in life? 2. Tell me about your family? Do you live with them? Why/Why Not? 3. How do you think a husband/wife should maintain his/her relationship with in laws? 4. How do you save money? 5. How should the ideal husband-wife relationship be? 6. What are you most passionate about? 7. What is your reaction when you are angry? 8. What do you fear the most in your life? 9. What was the biggest problem in your life and how did you deal with it? 10. What is one thing you cannot stand? 11. What are the values most important to you? 12. To what extent would you consult your spouse in a decision? 13. What are your expectations of a spouse? 14. How is the relationship between you and Allah? 15. How is the relationship between you and your family? 16. Have you had any previous relations? And does your past have a closure? (if they’re not comfortable answering this, leave it) 17. What do you like and dislike about yourself? 18. What priority does Deen take in your life? 19. How do you react to disagreements? 20. How do you want to raise your children? Of course, the list of questions that you can ask could be endless … but this is a start. Good luck!

The answer is simple – they have made a mistake in choosing their life partner. Yes, this is why, there are so many Muslim matchmaking websites out there to help you try to find the right person. If it’s the right time for you to get married, then utilize one of the best Muslim matrimony sites to help you find your match. Choose wisely and the right Muslim matchmaking website could help you find your ideal life partner. 6 Tips To Help You Find The Right Match 1. Open yourself up to new people. Try to surround yourself with a wide circle of friends and be ‘in’ the community. As time passes by the right person might just appear. 2. If you meet someone you like be sure you are compatible in most areas - be willing to talk about everything - major or minor. 3. Keep in mind that this man/woman is also searching for their "ideal" partner and if you search long enough you will find each other. 4. Go over your requirements and ask yourself what such a person would see in you. This isn't a call to beat yourself up, but rather, to fix or rethink any obvious variances. Suppose for example that you want someone athletic. You should get into shape yourself, as athletes prefer their partners to be in good physical condition too. If you want someone religious, join an organisation that reflects just that; if you want someone educated, finish your own degree, etc. Obviously, these adjustments might take a bit of work. You may want to prioritize the qualities you're looking for. 5. Never ever settle for someone because of pressure such as time or family. Ultimately, it will be your marriage and your future so be happy with who you choose so that you can put everything into your marriage wholeheartedly. What Happens if you Select your Life Partner without Adequate Thought? In short, you could choose a life partner who isn’t right for you. Unpleasant experiences can stunt the creation of or damage feelings of self-efficacy. You may lose your confidence, believe there’s something wrong with you and have trouble recovering from setbacks. Smart Matrimony Can Help Choosing a life partner is the most important decision you will ever make. The road is long and you’ll still have to love them even when you’re both old and grey! Registering with Smart Matrimony will help you find your ideal Muslim life partner with whom you can build a solid and long-lasting future together. Best of luck inshAllah!

Building a healthy Muslim marriage requires peace, harmony, friendship, love, and most importantly, a foundation of trust. The Muslim marriage is a promise between both man and woman. When a man and woman marry in Islam, it is honouring the sacred relationship which Allah Himself has honoured. This means that both the man and woman should fulfil their promises and keep their relationship with each other as loving as possible. Therefore, making sure you choose the right life partner for this sacred undertaking is extremely important. Why Choose Smart Matrimony to Help You Find Your Life Partner? Their unique combination of Muslim marriage services in the UK will help you meet like-minded Muslims and help you find the life partner whose core beliefs and principles match yours. They believe you deserve to find your true love, and they will be with you through every step of the journey. What Makes Smart Matrimony Different? Targeted Matches: You will receive individual matches tailored to you based on an extensive personality questionnaire. Smart Matrimony believe that two people who have compatible personalities are more likely to connect on a meaningful level and to build a stronger relationship with one another. One to One Matchmaking Service: Smart Matrimony have a team of experienced matchmakers providing an Islamic matchmaking service that is confidential, friendly, trustworthy and honest. Matchmaking Events: Smart Matrimony also organize events, filled with people looking for the exact same thing you are looking for. The events are laid back, friendly, and lots of fun! Best of luck in your search and InshAllah you will find the one you are looking for!

A happy marriage is a wonderful foundation for a successful life. Equally, the traumas of an unhappy marriage can ruin one’s life. When a marriage breaks down, both parties can suffer greatly. It goes without saying that to have a successful married life, you need to choose the right partner and for that, you need to choose the right online Muslim matrimonial site and also take precautionary steps that will allow you to make and thrive in a happy married life. This blog is aimed specifically at Muslims who are focused on finding the right partner and, also, for people of any religious background who wish to benefit from the advice. The most important promise you make to your spouse when you get married is to remain married to one another for the duration of your life. Marriage can therefore not be taken lightly. Nor should the search for your partner! So, what are some of the things you should think about when choosing your partner? 1. It’s Your Life, So You Should Be the Decision Maker Selfishness is not a good character trait in general, but there are some matters in which you are entitled to be absolutely selfish. You should not marry anyone for the benefit of your parents or family members. Here, YOU should be the decision maker. The choices you make should be based entirely on YOUR self-interest. However, having said that, you should seek guidance from Allah swt and from those you know well to help you make your decision. 2. Reflect Upon Who You Are Really try to understand who you are as a person and what kind of partner would best suit you. Speak to your family and friends and ask for their feedback as sometimes your own self perception is different to how others see you. If you are quite introverted would someone who is quite extroverted really suit you? If you are quite active and adventurous would someone who prefers to spend time at home be a good fit for you? 3. Marry When You are Really Ready Providing precise guidance here is difficult as everyone is different but there is some general advice which can help you think about this. Analyse yourself and marry when you are really ready. Avoid getting married when you are too young. You haven’t yet figured out who you are and what you really want from your life and your life partner. Are you sure your choice of life partner would be the same aged 30 as it would be at 21? At the same time, don’t postpone your marriage for too long (without any valid reason). It might be sensible to get married after you have completed your education, and your personality has settled and matured. This is because after marriage, you have obligations to your partner and investing the time in one another is very important to help build a strong bond. 4. Take Your Time Marriage is one of the biggest milestones in life and choosing who to marry is probably the single most important decision you will ever make. Try to take the time to get to know one another whilst respecting religious, and sometimes cultural, boundaries. Try to assess if your personalities suit each other and whether you can really spend a significant amount of your life with this person. Will they help elevate your deen? Do they make you laugh and smile? Do you find it ‘easy’ to spend time with them? Best of luck in your search and InshAllah you will find the one you are looking for!

Are we too picky? We hear it all the time ... “I’m looking for someone who is the right height, or a particular background, or he/she has to be tall, slim, attractive, the right age, educated...” the list goes on! We don’t ask for much do we?! Are we being too superficial? When we come across potential partners, and one thing is missing from our long lists, we sometimes choose to move on ... we judge over introductory words and profile pics too much and don’t give the person a chance. Someone who could be the perfect life partner. The only way to give a potential partner a proper chance is by meeting them, perhaps in a more relaxed environment. Somewhere where the focus isn’t just them. Meeting someone whom they may not have originally thought they might consider. One might find someone like-minded...It can be a very pleasant surprise. This is what Smart Matrimony is all about - we have created small and relaxed events so that you can meet like-minded Muslims over a group experience. If you feel you aren’t sure - come and give it a try. You have nothing to lose. In fact you will leave with something - an experience and maybe make some new friends too... it’s a win win situation don’t you think? Tickets are limited due to small group numbers. Book early to avoid disappointment.

Pouty selfies. Snapchat cartoon filters. Giant sunglasses. These photos won’t actually win you matches when trying to find a partner online. People are looking for an authentic individual with a well-rounded life so it is important to show people who you really are. When trying to find love online you have a much shorter time frame to make a good impression, mere seconds to capture someone’s attention. Therefore, it is important to take the time to choose the best profile pictures. It is something that deserves real thought! And because we here at Smart Matrimony want you to find your perfect partner, we have compiled various expert tips to help you in taking and selecting memorable profile pictures. You’re welcome! 1. Show your natural smile. Khalid S. Khan and Sameer Chaudhry, researchers from the University of North Texas and Barts and The London School of Medicine and Dentistry, found that a photo with a real, genuine smile attracts people more. Even if the picture shows you squinting your eyes or highlighting crow’s-feet, it is seen as an attractive facial expression because it displays true happiness. 2. With or without teeth? Research has shown that women receive more likes when their profile pictures show them smiling with their pearly whites visible, whereas for men their success increases when smiling without showing their teeth. 3. Look ahead or look away? Research has shown that women receive more likes when their profile pictures show them looking away whereas for men their success increases when looking ahead into the camera. Get practicing that staring-into-the-distance pose girls! 4. Wait for the optimal time. Late-afternoon photos are ideally lit when the light is soft, heading into the sunset golden hour. This provides the ideal setting and light for you to look your best. 5. Turn the flash off. A camera’s flash can make you appear much older in photos. Research shows it can add as much as 7 years! So, make sure the flash is off before you start snapping. Natural, soft light from the sun hides blemishes and aging effects like wrinkles, and you avoid flash glare like red eyes. 6. Add a full-body shot. A shot taken of your full body where others can get a good view of your body type can get you up to 203% more incoming messages. Additionally, members with a full-body photo also get more replies to their messages—33% more than the average. 7. Avoid group shots. People who use group shots on their profiles receive 42% fewer messages than those who post pictures of just themselves. It’s your profile photo after all! 8. Go classic. People rarely post black-and-white photos. But black-and-white photos can receive over 100% more likes than their original colour counterparts. 9. Add more photos. The more photos you add, the more incoming messages you are likely to receive. But the magic number is four. Those who have four or more photos on their profiles receive the most incoming messages. And, as an added bonus, they also have longer conversations. 10. Make sure make up is subtle. Some advice for the girls – make sure make-up is subtle, or as you would normally wear it. It’s only fair on the boys! 11. Quality over quantity. It's important to let people know what you really look like but fewer higher quality pictures will be appreciated more than lots of low quality ones. 12. Don’t hide. Don’t hide away under a huge hat, huge sunglasses or a scarf which covers your face. What’s the point of that?! 13. Pick a recent picture. There’s no point using photos from 10 years (or 10 kilos) ago. There are so many people looking for love online now that you don’t have to exaggerate – be yourself and someone will fall for you just the way you are. 14. It’s all about authenticity. You can of course pose for hours on end for the perfect picture, or Photoshop your favourite photo, but that’s not who you really are. Keep it authentic. At least this way you won’t have to explain why you don’t look like your profile picture when you first meet. 15. Avoid beach photos. Research indicates that women are up to 47% less likely to receive a like on a beach photo. Men are a whopping 80% less likely to receive a like on a beach photo. 16. Please make this a selfie free-zone. We want your help to make Smart Matrimony a selfie free zone! Studies show that selfies are 40% less likely to receive a like. Bathroom selfies (who even does that?!) are 90% less likely to receive a like. 17. Let’s also make this a Snapchat free zone. The biggest no-gos are photos with a Snapchat filter, which were shown to decrease likes by a whopping 90%! Put the dog ears away everyone … 18. Candid shots are the best Approximately 80% of photos are posed whereas candid shots are 15% more likely to receive a like. 19. Finally, ask for an outside opinion. Once you’ve narrowed down the photos you want to post, ask a friend to help you select your top choices. Some research has found that people rarely pick the most flattering pictures of themselves; strangers or friends actually do a much better job. And of course, on Smart Matrimony you are always in control of who can see your profile pictures. You can make any, or all, of your profile pictures private and share them only with those you would like to. Good luck! References: https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/ http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-4428630/The-best-profile-picture-bag-DATE.html Cognitive Research Journal

We should all have the freedom to marry who we want. What do you think?

Very useful reminder to those of us looking for a spouse. Mufti Menk is always such a pleasure to listen to. What do you think?

I found this reminder really beautiful and eye opening, especially relevant in today's world.